I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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