So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
