that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
