Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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