I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
