I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
