Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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