AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Boobs speak an international language.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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