can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
