someone get that fucking seahorse.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
