is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
