I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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