i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize