It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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