Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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