Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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