even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize