Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
