I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
