On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
