You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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