you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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