my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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