i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
