Your dad touched me again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
