She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You are a genius and a whore.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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