Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
