My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
