im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
