if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
