Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
