"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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