Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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