Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
