I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize