Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
