I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
