I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
