It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
