Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
