I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
