You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
