Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
