We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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