we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
