Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
