I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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