did you get engaged???
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize