I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
