just tell him i said nine months
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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