So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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