I love black thongs
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
