listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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