White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
