gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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