dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
