You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
