i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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