feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
