Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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