I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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