he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
