My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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