at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
