wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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