Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
