i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
