i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
