and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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