Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
