Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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