apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
