I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Randomize