i think i have two assholes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
