if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
