Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
