Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
