i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
