we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
