The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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