Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize