i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
