You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
