Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
