I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
