it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
