after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
