living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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