Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize