I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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