i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
