Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
