I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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