The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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