Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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