you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
