Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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