Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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